1995: I became a hardcore Mariners during that great season that sadly ended with Joey Cora crying. The Sonics were also doing pretty damn good, what, with all that Schrempf, Kemp, and Payton action, even though they lost to the Bulls. But, two badass Seattle teams? I’ll take it.
1996: I knew I’d always be much better at soccer, but whoever told me I would be good at basketball because I was tall should never tell anyone such lies again. I did many things that were a little too soccer-y for the b-ball court. And this was only in 4th grade, but I thought I’d get better. Funny joke.
2000: I fouled out of many games, some within the first quarter. Not kidding. I even got a couple technicals BECAUSE I WAS A BRUTAL BADASS.
2001: I broke my nose during a basketball game in 8th grade. Some stupid bitch threw the ball at my face while she was passing the ball in from out-of-bounds. This was 100% on purpose, by the way, and my nose was 100% broken.
2006: I finally made it to KeyArena for a Sonics game, only ten years after I started watching the Sonics. It was way fun. My dad got me a Luke Ridnour shirt for Xmas (because he is dreamy) and I was pretty stoked that they went back to their original logo and color scheme.
2008: R.I.P. Sonics. R.I.P. any good feelings about basketball. BOO! HISS! BOO! FUCK YOU, BASKETBALL. So, naturally, when I moved to Portland in ‘08, I did not give a FUCK about the Blazers. Sonics were dead, therefore basketball was dead to me, but in a much less dramatic way.
2011: Wtf is this lockout shit? Does basketball still exist? Where the fuck is Shaq? Did Aaron Carter finally beat him? My head was spinning, and I decided to read up. After reading one article, I decided I didn’t understand what was going on. But Blazer fans were FURIOUS and wanted to watch Brando-Roy and Gray-Oden! This reminded me of the baseball strike and how there was NO BASEBALL and how weird that was. But what did I care? No Sonics, no shits given.
The season started during the holiday, and was a very nice gift to many fans across the wondrous United States of Stars and Stripes. I pulled up the Sonics’ Wiki article and saw that the magically became the OKC Thunder. How should I feel about this? I hear Oklahoma City is in Oklahoma, which seems to be a pretty bummer state. But just think how happy that shit-stain of a state is to have a professional sports team grace their stupid shitty panhandle. So happy, I bet. So then I clicked through to the OKC Thunder Wiki article and saw that they still had some of the same roster the Sonics’ had in ‘08: Durant, Collison, and probably some other dorks but I was mostly stoked on their supreme logo and color scheme. It was no green-and-yellow skyline, but it’d do. Should I like basketball again? Should I maybe just give it a shot and watch no more than 2 quarters of a game? SURE. WHY THE FUCK NOT. It has been a while since I diversified my interest portfolio, and sports have had very little action all up in that shit.
So I watched part of the OKC game while I was at the gym last week, and I have to admit, it was pretty fun. As a previous Twitter update divulged, I was mostly pretending they had Sonics jerseys on. So now, I am going to give the Blazers a shot, because well, I live in Portland and that would be a nice thing to do.
I am such a nice person.
So, that concludes How I Feel About Basketball. Maybe there will be future installments about How I Feel About Other Sports. Maybe I’ll just tell you now:
The Seattle Mariners: 100% THE BEST.
The Seattle Seahawks: BEAST MODE 100% THE BEST.
One of my former professors at PSU tweeted about this:
Just take a look. If you’re not offended, you’re doing it wrong. If you find yourself sticking up for the “creative minds” behind this, you’re also doing it wrong. Said professor tweeted “Consumed by this brouhaha concerning Native appropriations and the very disappointing responses of the offenders.” In reply, I said “What bothers me more than blatant racism is people sticking up for blatant racism by telling others to ‘not be offended.’”
I was about to post the link to facebook, when I realized I needed more characters than it would allow me in a wall post. And when posting the link, I saw this as the description:
That’s the disgusting position the offenders have assumed.
They didn’t even spell “kitsch” correctly. What fucks.
But more importantly, the “if you were truly offended by it then you need to get out more” sentiment is the most problematic. It reflects the ethnocentric attitude of many who confuse “cultural appreciation” with cultural appropriation. The minds behind this photo shoot had no other intention than to piss people off so they could tell them to not be offended. And clearly, there was no better way to do this than by perpetuating racist stereotypes. They say it’s about “kitch and americana,” but what if they’re actually racist, and hiding behind this irono-hipster facade? It’s likely at least a few of them suffer from delusions of grandeur.
There is nothing ironic about racism.
I’m so lolz.
Best. Insult. Ever.
(and basically the best movie ever)